The Fairy's Return and Other Princess Tales Read online

  All Tansy was eating was the watercress. Parsley was thrilled. He loved watercress and she loved parsley. They had something in common!

  Actually, they didn’t. Tansy never ate more than one dish at any meal, so he could give it his undivided attention. The watercress was pretty good, but he didn’t love it.

  The next time Parsley observed Tansy, he was in the Royal Wardrobe Room with his two brothers. The twins were both trying on King Humphrey IV’s red satin Royal Ceremonial Robe. One twin had his arm in the left sleeve and the other had his arm in the right sleeve. Each was struggling to pull the robe away from the other.

  They were caroming from one side of the room to the other—smashing into the shelves that held the king’s breeches, corsets, codpieces, garters, jerkins, and undershirts. Tansy was dodging the flying Royal Wardrobe and saying something.

  Oh no! The Royal Ceremonial Robe was ripping, up from the filigreed hem all the way to the ermine collar.

  “OH NO! THE ROYAL CEREMONIAL ROBE WAS RIPPING.”

  Now the twins were pulling off the robe and running out of the Royal Wardrobe Room, with Tansy right behind them. Parsley followed him in her spyglass. He dashed through the castle, out a first-floor window, along a cobblestone path, and into the Royal Museum of Quest Souvenirs, where he threw himself into the pile of straw under the turkey that lays tin eggs.

  He wormed his way in so far that only the tippy toe of one boot stuck out, and Parsley feared he wouldn’t get enough air to breathe.

  She turned her spyglass back to the castle, where a search was in progress. A Royal Guard found one twin hiding under a bed in a Royal Bedchamber. Another guard found the other twin under a bed in a different Royal Bedchamber.

  Randolph and Rudolph don’t have much imagination, Parsley thought, feeling proud of Tansy for hiding in such a good spot. She watched the Royal Guards search Biddle Castle from the cellar to the towers. Then she joined Bombina for lunch.

  After lunch Parsley watched the Royal Guards search the Royal Stable, the Royal Dairy, and Queen Sonora’s old spindle shed. They searched the museum last and finally found Tansy, who emerged covered with straw and bits of tin. He looked sad and scared. Parsley’s heart went out to him.

  The Royal Guards marched him to the throne room, where his brothers and King Humphrey IV were waiting. Randolph and Rudolph pointed at Tansy. Parsley saw their mouths shape the words Tansy did it. He ripped the Royal Robe.

  But he didn’t! Parsley thought. He didn’t do anything.

  King Humphrey IV yanked Tansy up by his ear and shook him. Then he dragged Tansy out of the throne room. Randolph and Rudolph watched him go. They were both grinning.

  Royal Rats! Parsley thought.

  With the spyglass she followed Tansy and King Humphrey IV along the Royal First Floor Corridor, up the Royal West Tower Stairway, up, up, up to a room at the top of the tower, where there were a desk and a chair and ink and parchment and a quill pen and nothing else. King Humphrey IV left Tansy there, and the prince sat at the desk and began to write.

  Parsley focused her spyglass on the parchment and saw—

  I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

  I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

  I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

  I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

  I will never again rip the Royal Robe.

  A tear fell on the parchment and blurred three lines of never again. Parsley felt like crying too.

  Five

  By the time Parsley was fifteen, she had watched Randolph and Rudolph get Tansy in trouble for scores of things he hadn’t done—denting the Royal Armor, laming the Royal Steed, breaking the hand off the marble statue of King Humphrey I, and releasing the flea big enough to fill a teacup from the Royal Museum of Quest Souvenirs.

  The flea was the worst. It bit King Humphrey IV, and his cheek swelled as big as a teakettle. Tansy spent a whole week in the Royal West Tower that time.

  Parsley despised Randolph and Rudolph. She half wanted Tansy to punch each of them in their Royal Noses, but she admired him no end for his forbearance. Whenever she saw him in the spyglass, she smiled and smiled.

  One day, Bombina saw her smiling and was instantly jealous. “What’s so special out there?” she roared.

  “Nothing,” Parsley said nervously. “Just the roses in Biddle Castle’s garden.” Bombina hadn’t turned anyone into a toad since she’d promised not to nine years ago, but Parsley knew she still could. She smiled at the fairy. “Our roses are better, though.”

  Bombina relaxed. She marveled, as she often did, that she had given up her hobby—her art—for this lass. Bombina had felt dreadfully deprived at first, but then she’d discovered that not turning people into toads gave her a delightful sense of power. Since she never used up her yearly limit, she could always turn someone into a toad if she wanted to. And she still turned objects into toads, so her skills hadn’t gotten rusty.

  The next day Tansy accompanied his brothers on a ride to Snettering-on-Snoakes, and Parsley watched them in her spyglass.

  They were young men now. Parsley admired how tall and straight Tansy sat in his saddle. Randolph and Rudolph looked squat and awkward by comparison.

  As the horses ambled along, Randolph and Rudolph argued over what color the Royal Steed should be.

  “The Royal Steed must be brown,” Randolph declared. “And anyone who doesn’t agree is a ninny.”

  “Wrong!” Rudolph yelled. “The Royal Steed must be black, and you’re a ninny nincompoop.”

  “I think,” Tansy said, “that—”

  “Tell him, Tansy,” Randolph said. “You know I’m right.”

  “Tell him I’m right,” Rudolph said.

  “I think the Royal Steed must be taller than—”

  In her spyglass Parsley saw Randolph and Rudolph turn on Tansy.

  They both shouted, “You’re a nitwit ninny nincompoop, and you’ll never ride the Royal Steed.”

  I’m not a nitwit, Tansy thought. The Royal Steed can be any color, but it has to be tall, so subjects can find their sovereign. And rattles have to be tied to its knees, which will also help people locate the king. Why don’t Randolph and Rudolph ever think about their subjects?

  The three princes rode on in silence.

  Parsley kept watching them. Turn! she thought. Come closer. Come this way. Please come.

  They turned onto Rosella Lane. Parsley rushed downstairs to the library, where she threw open a window and leaned out.

  She could see them, actually see them, without the spyglass! They were walking their horses down the lane. Tansy looked even nicer than he did in the spyglass, and his freckles didn’t stand out quite so much. She smiled a warm, friendly smile.

  Randolph and Rudolph didn’t notice Parsley, but Tansy did. She seemed to be smiling at him. It was such a kind smile too, a beautiful smile, even if her teeth were as green as grass. Tansy didn’t remember anyone smiling at him like that ever before.

  The princes reined in their horses only a few yards from Parsley.

  “The fairy Bombina lives here,” Randolph announced. “A king must invite nearby fairies to a banquet every year.”

  “Every other year,” Rudolph said. “That’s quite enough.”

  Tansy smiled back at Parsley.

  She liked his smile. Hers broadened into the loveliest, most rapturous smile ever.

  Bombina came into the library carrying a bouquet of peonies from the garden. She saw Parsley’s smile and became wildly jealous. Who was getting that smile? She ran to the window.

  Noblemen!

  Not for long. Toads!

  Parsley heard Bombina and turned, a frown replacing her smile.

  If Parsley had smiled at Bombina—if she hadn’t frowned—

  But she did frown.

  Bombina decided to do the one who wasn’t a twin first. She shifted her weight to her left foot, stared hard at him, and lowered her chin, still staring.

  Oh no! Parsley t
hought. “Don’t!” She leaped in front of the fairy.

  Bombina found herself staring straight at Parsley.

  Aaaa! Bombina tried to stop casting the spell, but it was too late.

  Six

  What?!! Parsley felt trapped by Bombina’s gaze. She tried to squirm away from it, but she couldn’t. Wind rushed by her ears, and Bombina’s eyes grew bigger and bigger.

  Parsley’s skin pinched. Something was squeezing her harder and harder, squeezing her insides and outsides, her face and her feet and her bones and her stomach. Her ears rang and boomed.

  Then it was over. Whew! She wondered if she’d looked funny while it was going on, wondered if Tansy had noticed. She turned to see.

  Where was he?

  Where was she?

  She faced a wall that hadn’t been there a second ago. It looked familiar, though. She recognized the wallpaper lily pads, but they were much too big.

  Then she knew. She looked down at herself. She was chartreuse! She was a Biddlebum Toad!

  She looked way way up and saw Bombina’s horrified face.

  See what your transformations got you, Parsley thought angrily. She wanted to scream and wail. But she didn’t make a sound. She didn’t know what she’d do if a croak came out of her.

  Oh no! Bombina thought, feeling dizzy. Parsley will never smile at me again.

  Bombina saw the three princes gawking at her, so she pulled the window shut. Then she drew the drapes, being careful not to step on poor Parsley.

  Her darling was so tiny and ugly. Bombina couldn’t stand to look at her. Sadly, even tragically, the fairy hiccuped twice.

  Parsley vanished.

  In Rosella Lane Tansy shook his head to clear it. Where had the smiling maiden gone? What had the fairy done with her?

  Bombina flew to the fairy queen’s palace and begged an audience with her. As soon as she saw Anura, she began to weep, although she’d never wept in all her three thousand seven hundred and fourteen years. Between sobs she blurted out the whole tale.

  “Please do something. You can punish me. You can lock me up. Only let me see Parsley’s human smile once more.” She wiped her tears. “Toads don’t have lips or teeth. Did I ever tell you what beautiful green teeth my Parsley had?”

  “My poor Bombina,” Anura said. “You have reaped the bitter rewards of your folly.”

  Bombina nodded, tears streaming.

  “It would give me the greatest pleasure to help you. But you know that the only way dear Bayleaf can—”

  “Her name is Parsley,” Bombina wailed.

  “Yes, of course. But there is only one way your Paprika—”

  “Parsley!”

  “Sorry! But there is just one way your little, er, maiden can resume her human shape. And that is if some other human proposes marriage to her.”

  Bombina smiled through her tears. How could she have forgotten? All she had to do—

  “No, my poor wretched Bombina. You cannot force a young man to propose, and the little toad cannot reveal what happened to her and what the remedy is. The proposal must be of the man’s free will, or it will not transform anything.”

  Parsley discovered that toads could cry. Or once-human toads could, anyway.

  Oh, why had Bombina broken her promise?

  She wept for a full hour. Then she looked around. She was on the bank of a wide stream. A few yards away a rotting bridge crossed the water. Ferns and a weeping willow grew along the stream bank. Beyond them was a field of tall grasses. If Parsley had been at her human height, she would have seen goats grazing in the distance.

  Parsley wondered what she’d eat here. There was no parsley.

  Her tongue whipped out and caught a fly. She blinked and swallowed.

  Ugh! she thought. I ate an insect! It tasted sweet. She started crying again. I won’t do that twice. I’ll starve first.

  Her tongue snaked out and snagged a mosquito. She blinked and swallowed.

  The mosquito was salty. Parsley stopped crying. Maybe she had been wrong to limit herself to parsley for all those years. She wondered how an ant would taste.

  Seven

  When the twins and Tansy returned to Biddle Castle from Snettering-on-Snoakes, King Humphrey IV sent for them. He rose from his throne and hugged Randolph. Or maybe it was Rudolph. He could never tell them apart. He knew about the difference in the size of their nostrils, but he could never remember which big nostril belonged to which twin.

  He didn’t hug Tansy.

  “Lads!” He beamed at the twins and frowned at Tansy, hoping the boy wouldn’t break anything just by standing still. “We were thinking about which of you should be our heir.”

  Randolph and Rudolph glared at each other. Tansy’s heart started to pound.

  “We have two stalwart sons to choose between.”

  Tansy’s heart stopped pounding.

  “So we have contrived a contest. The son who fetches us one hundred yards of linen fine enough to go through our Royal Ring”—King Humphrey IV took a ring off his pinky—“will wear this medallion.” He reached into the pocket of his new Royal Ceremonial Robe and pulled out a golden medallion on which was inscribed His Highness’s Heir. This was the cleverest part of the plan. Soon he’d know which twin was which. “The winner will rule when we are gone, and all Biddle will do his bidding.”

  Tansy’s heart started to pound again. The contest meant trouble! Rudolph wouldn’t stand for it if Randolph won, and Randolph wouldn’t stand for it if Rudolph won. Whoever won, there would be trouble in Biddle.

  “Father?”

  King Humphrey IV scowled at Tansy. “Yes?”

  “Can I seek the linen too?”

  King Humphrey IV considered how peaceful home would be if Tansy were away. “You may.” But he’d never let the lad rule Biddle, not even if Tansy’s linen could pass through a ream of pinky rings.

  Parsley spent an enjoyable afternoon sampling insects. Fleas were spicy. Ticks were sour. Midges tickled pleasantly as they went down, and caterpillars happened to taste a lot like parsley.

  Late in the day a goatherd drove her goats across the stream. Parsley hid under the bridge, terrified of being trampled.

  When the goats had all crossed, the goatherd sat on the far bank and dangled her feet in the stream.

  Was I ever that big? Parsley wondered. She hopped backward, feeling nervous. She could be squashed so easily.

  The goatherd saw the movement. She waded across the stream and groped through the ferns under the bridge. “A toad!” She picked Parsley up and placed her on her enormous palm. “Perhaps more than a toad. Kind sir, speak to me!” She waited. “Perhaps you can’t talk. But you can hear my sad tale. I am not truly a goatherd.” She sighed, and the wind from the sigh almost knocked Parsley off her perch. “I have been transformed.”

  You too? Parsley thought. Were you once a toad?

  “In my true form I am a princess, Princess Alyssatissaprincissa.”

  To Parsley’s horror Princess Alyssatissaprincissa brought her huge face right up to Parsley. Parsley’s right eye looked at a pimple as big as a bumblebee. Then Princess Alyssatissaprincissa kissed Parsley’s side. The suction of the kiss pulled her skin away from her ribs.

  After the kiss Princess Alyssatissaprincissa waited a moment and then dropped Parsley. She slogged back across the stream, muttering about the scarcity of frog princes.

  The ferns cushioned Parsley’s fall. She lay still, catching her breath.

  Bombina spent the day knocking her knees together to enhance her vision and her hearing. She finally saw Parsley crouching under a fern and looking like any other chartreuse Biddlebum Toad, except for a faint sparkle that only a fairy could detect.

  “I AM NOT TRULY A GOATHERD.”

  It was too sad to bear. Bombina had to look away. I’ll never be jealous again and I’ll never turn anything into a toad again, she thought, not even so much as a needle or a beetle. That will be my punishment.

  Early the next morning King Humphrey
IV saw his sons off. “Return in a week,” he said.

  Randolph and Rudolph each climbed into his own Royal Carriage. Tansy mounted his mare, Bhogs, whose name stood for Brown Horse of Good Speed.

  When they reached Snettering-on-Snoakes, the villagers lined the road to see them off, and Bombina watched from her palace. She recognized the princes and itched to turn them into toads. If it hadn’t been for them, Parsley would still be human. But she kept her promise and let them go by.

  A mile beyond the village the road forked. The Royal Road continued to the left and wound through the principal towns of Biddle on its way to Kulornia. The right fork was Biddle Byway, which meandered through tiny villages and hamlets and never arrived anywhere.

  Randolph and Rudolph took the left fork. Tansy started to follow them. But then he pulled Bhogs up short and turned her onto Biddle Byway.

  If I stick with them, he thought, and we find the perfect length of linen, who’ll get it? No—who won’t get it? Me.

  Eight

  By the end of her first day as a toad, Parsley had eaten seven fleas, twelve ticks, two spiders, a worm, a caterpillar, four gnats, and eleven midges. Then she’d gone to sleep. When she woke up late the next morning, she was surprised all over again that she was a toad. She stayed still and thought about the advantages and disadvantages of her new state.

  On the plus side was diet. Bugs were scrumptious! But that was about it for the plus side.

  On the minus side was the goatherd Princess Alyssatissa whatever the rest of her name was. Also on the minus side were the loss of her spyglass and the loss of Tansy in her spyglass.

  And she missed Bombina. She remembered Bombina’s magic tricks and how exciting it had been, especially when she was little, to live with a fairy. She remembered being disappointed when Bombina had said that only magical creatures could make magic.

  Parsley’s pulse quickened. She was a magical creature now.