The Fairy's Return and Other Princess Tales Read online

  Marigold loved all Cinderellis’ inventions. She and Cinderellis celebrated their wedding anniversary every year with a demonstration of his all-purpose sticky powder on the glass hill, which they kept polished just for the purpose.

  King Humphrey III resumed his questing when the imp’s curse ended. He returned with so many souvenirs that an extra wing had to be added to the Museum of Quest Souvenirs.

  Cinderellis never went on a single quest. His only trips were to Skiddle, Luddle, and Buffle, and Marigold always went along. While there, she made so many friends that she was never lonely again.

  Cinderellis’ wetting powder cured a drought in Skiddle, and his drying powder worked wonders on the floods of Buffle. What’s more, he showed the Luddlites how to use growing powder on their wheat crop. Everyone was so grateful that Cinderellis became the most popular ruler in Biddle history. He was never lonely again either.

  And they all lived happily ever after.

  All my love to Rani and Ronnie—friend, fellow artist, sister.

  —G.C.L.

  One

  When she was two years old, Patsy tasted a sprig of parsley at a traveling fair. She loved it, and from that moment on, the only food she would eat was parsley. After a while her parents, Nelly and Zeke, began to call her that, Parsley.

  The trouble was that parsley grew in only one spot in the village of Snettering-on-Snoakes, and that spot was the garden of the fairy Bombina, who was renowned for turning people into toads.

  Nelly said she couldn’t let her daughter starve, and Zeke, who rarely spoke, nodded.

  So every Thursday night, Zeke would head for Rosella Lane, where he’d climb the high wall that surrounded the fairy’s garden. He’d stuff a sack full of fresh parsley and return home. His stealing went undetected for three years because Bombina was serving time in the dungeon of Anura, the fairy queen. Bombina’s crime was failure to get along with humans.

  Meanwhile, Parsley grew into a plump, happy child with a lovely smile, in spite of teeth that were stained a pale green.

  Then Bombina returned.

  That Thursday evening, she strolled in her garden and saw Zeke gathering armloads of parsley. Armloads! She would have turned him into a toad on the spot, but she had already reached Anura’s legal limit of five human-to-toad transformations per fairy per year, and she didn’t want to go back to jail.

  “What are you doing?” she shrieked.

  Zeke grabbed the parsley and ran. Bombina stood on her left foot and blinked twice. Zeke froze, unable to move a muscle. Bombina thought of turning him to stone, but stone wasn’t her specialty. Her specialty was toads.

  “Why are you stealing my parsley?” she thundered. Then she unfroze Zeke’s mouth.

  Zeke wasn’t used to talking. So even though his mouth could move, it didn’t.

  Bombina dropped her voice to a sugary whisper. “I can turn you into a chicken . . .” She never ran out of legal chicken transformations. “A clucking—”

  Zeke found his voice. “It’s for m-my d-daughter.”

  His daughter? Anura always said that fairies should be kind to children. Fairies who were kind were her favorites. Bombina was on probation, and she was definitely not one of the fairy queen’s favorites.

  “Bring your daughter to me.”

  “B-but—”

  “Bring your daughter to me!” Bombina unfroze all of Zeke.

  He stumbled once, then started to run.

  “And drop the parsley.”

  Back in their cottage Zeke told Nelly what Bombina had commanded. Nelly began to run around frantically, bumping into Zeke and shouting that she wasn’t bringing her precious daughter to anybody. Zeke ran around frantically too, and he bumped into Nelly when she wasn’t bumping into him.

  Bombina materialized in the cottage, right next to Parsley’s bed. “Is this your daughter?”

  Parsley awoke and sat up, blinking in the bright light that flashed around Bombina’s big pink wings.

  “Hello, child,” Bombina boomed.

  Parsley was frightened. She’d never seen anyone so enormous or so grumpy-looking.

  “What’s your name, honey?”

  Parsley said, “Parsley,” in a small voice.

  “Parsley!” Bombina whirled on Nelly and Zeke. “You dared to name your daughter after my parsley?”

  Nelly held her ground. “We named her P-Patsy, Your G-Graciousness, but—”

  “Silence!” Bombina leaned over the bed. “Why do you like parsley so much, Parsley?”

  Parsley didn’t know why. She just did. She stared at Bombina and didn’t say anything.

  “Answer the nice fairy,” Nelly said. “Tell her why . . .”

  She’s a fairy? Parsley thought. She’d been taught that fairies were gentle and good. Then this one was only pretending to be mean. She smiled up at Bombina.

  Nothing was sweeter than Parsley’s smile.

  A tiny corner of Bombina’s heart melted. “Harrumph.” She cleared her throat. And had a brilliant idea. Anura would be delighted! “I will take the child home to live with me. Then Parsley can eat parsley whenever she likes.”

  Live with a fairy! Parsley was thrilled. Maybe she’d learn magic. “Can I, Mama?”

  A tear trickled down Nelly’s cheek.

  A tear trickled down Zeke’s cheek.

  “Well?” Bombina yelled. “Can she?”

  Nelly and Zeke couldn’t refuse a fairy. Nelly said, “Yes, Parsley gumdrop, you can go.”

  Two

  Nearby in Biddle Castle, Prince Tansy was in the throne room with his brothers, Prince Randolph and Prince Rudolph, who were arguing as usual. Randolph and Rudolph were twins, and they were nine years old, two years older than Tansy. No one else was in the room.

  Tansy could tell the twins apart because Randolph’s left nostril was slightly larger than his right nostril, and Rudolph’s right nostril was slightly larger than his left.

  “The right hand, fool!” Randolph held King Humphrey IV’s gilded wooden scepter just beyond Rudolph’s reach. “A king holds the scepter in his right hand.”

  “The left hand, numskull!” Rudolph twisted Randolph’s nose and tried to grab the scepter.

  With his free hand Randolph twisted Rudolph’s nose.

  Tansy removed Rudolph’s fingers from Randolph’s nose and Randolph’s fingers from Rudolph’s nose. He said, “I think—”

  “You don’t have to think,” Randolph said, trying to grab some part of Rudolph again.

  “You’ll never be king, Tansy,” Rudolph said, lunging for the scepter and getting one hand on it.

  Randolph tried to yank the scepter away from Rudolph.

  Rudolph hung on and tried to yank it away from Randolph.

  Tansy said, “Stop! You’ll break it.”

  Crack! The scepter broke in half.

  Randolph and Rudolph dropped their halves and ran out of the throne room. Tansy ran too, although he knew what was going to happen next. The Royal Guards were going to find the three of them. Randolph and Rudolph were going to tell King Humphrey IV that he, Tansy, had broken the scepter, and King Humphrey IV was going to believe them, no matter what Tansy said. Then the king was going to make him write I will never again break a Royal Scepter at least a hundred times.

  While Tansy ran, he thought about the question his brothers had been arguing over. The solution was simple. A king should hold his scepter in his right hand on Sundays, Tuesdays, and Fridays, and in the left on Mondays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. That would show how fair he was. He should hold it with both hands on Wednesdays. That would show how stable his kingdom was.

  Randolph and Rudolph hadn’t thought the matter through. They never did.

  But one of them would be king anyway, and Tansy never would be, even though he had hundreds of great ideas about how to rule the kingdom of Biddle. Youngest sons didn’t become king.

  Bombina liked having Parsley live with her. She especially liked having Parsley’s smile live with her. She’d do a
nything to see that smile, and anything included some surprising things—smiling back at Parsley or occasionally smiling first, tucking Parsley in at night, and even letting Parsley touch her wings. Bombina had never let anyone do that before.

  For her part, Parsley loved living in the fairy’s palace, although she missed Nelly and Zeke. Bombina’s cook knew dozens of parsley recipes. Parsley could have her parsley scrambled, steamed, stewed, barbecued, braised, broiled, fried, or liquefied. She could have parsley pesto, parsley pasta, parsley pizza, parsley pilaf, or parsley in puff pastry. And for dessert she could have parsley pie, parsley pudding, parsley penuche, parsley taffy, parsley upside-down cake, or, the one she liked best, parsley ice cream sundae with hot parsley sauce and parsley sprinkles on top.

  But most of all Parsley loved watching Bombina make magic.

  The fairy never used a wand. She began all her magic by standing on her left foot. To disappear, she’d make her chin jut forward and put her left pinky finger in her mouth. And poof! she’d be gone. To sink into the ground, she’d bend at the waist and hop twice. A hole would appear, and she’d slide into it till only her head showed.

  But the magic that Bombina did most often was to turn objects into toads. The fairy queen’s limit applied only to humans—Bombina could transform as many of anything else as she liked.

  Parsley was astonished at the things Bombina turned into toads—a single thread in a bodice, an egg, a tile roof, a picture frame, an umbrella handle.

  Once, when her footman Stanley failed to open the carriage door quickly enough, Bombina turned his bushy red beard into a purple Fury-Faced Trudy Toad. It looked funny, hanging upside down from Stanley’s chin. Bombina laughed, and Parsley would have too if Stanley hadn’t looked utterly shocked.

  Parsley tried to cast spells too. For example, she’d let her hot parsley tea cool. Then she’d stand on her left foot, lick her index fingers, and grunt ung huh tuh exactly as Bombina would. But her tea never warmed up. She couldn’t fly either, or make her slippers come to her from halfway across the bedchamber.

  She never tried to turn anything into a toad. It didn’t seem right. Maybe Stanley’s beard was pleased to be a toad, but maybe it wasn’t. Maybe it didn’t like croaking and catching flies.

  Once Parsley asked Bombina, “Why can’t I make magic? It looks simple when you do it.” She smiled.

  As usual, Bombina was enchanted by the smile. That’s another kind of magic, she thought, to be able to smile so charmingly with teeth as green as a green onion.

  “You have to be magical to make magic, dear. I’m a magical creature, and you aren’t.”

  “BOMBINA TURNED HIS BUSHY RED BEARD INTO A PURPLE FURY-FACED TRUDY TOAD.”

  Three

  Parsley had been living with Bombina for ten months when June 23, Midsummer’s Eve, the fairies’ New Year, came around. As always, Bombina attended the ball at Anura’s palace, where she received, along with the other fairies, her new allotment of legal transformations.

  During the ball Bombina told the fairy queen about adopting Parsley. Anura clapped her hands in joy. “Hurrah, Bombina! With your little Oregano you will—”

  “Parsley,” Bombina said.

  “Ah, yes. You will usher in a golden age in your Snetting-Snooks. You and your Tarragon will—”

  “Snettering-on-Snoakes. Parsley.”

  “Whatever. A river of love will flow from humans to you and from you to them. You won’t want to turn a single one, not even the most aggravating, into a toad.” Anura embraced Bombina and bathed her face in kisses.

  When Parsley went into Bombina’s bedroom the next morning, Bombina sat up instantly. She couldn’t wait to begin her new life of deep and abiding friendship with humans.

  “Come here, child.” And she kissed Parsley on the forehead.

  Parsley didn’t know about the fairies’ New Year or what Anura had said, but she liked the kiss. She smiled and said, “How are you going to wear your hair today?” She thought Bombina’s hairstyling magic was the best magic of all.

  “We’ll see.” Bombina knew Parsley liked to watch, so she decided to try out a few new styles until the serving maid brought breakfast. She sat at her dressing table. Parsley came and stood next to her.

  Bombina shook out her long red hair. Then she lifted her right foot, stuck out her front teeth, and said arr arr arr. Her hair shrank into her scalp until only a couple of inches were left, and those inches curled into ringlets. She knocked her fists together, and her hair turned blue with blond stripes.

  Parsley giggled.

  Bombina’s stomach rumbled. She frowned. Where was that lazy serving maid?

  Ah, well, Bombina thought. Perhaps Cook was preparing something special to please her. Bombina stuck out her chin and said raa raa raa. Her hair grew long again and piled itself on top of her head.

  “Oooh!” Parsley said.

  Bombina’s stomach rumbled again. She didn’t want something special. She wanted her ordinary breakfast at its ordinary time. But it was too late for that. I must calm myself, she thought. Perhaps the serving maid was carrying my breakfast to me when she fell and broke both her ankles. That would be nice.

  Bombina stood up and started to pace.

  Uh-oh! Parsley thought. She got out of the way and stood in the window alcove.

  Bombina paced and thought. Perhaps Cook fell into the porridge and drowned. That would be nice too.

  In fact, the serving maid had quit the night before. The servants knew that the fairies’ New Year always brought new toad transformations. Bombina had been kinder lately, but they were still frightened. The year before Bombina had gone to jail, she had turned three gardeners, a manservant, and a seamstress into toads.

  No one wanted to deliver Bombina’s breakfast. After arguing for a half hour, the servants ganged up on the scullery wench, who had started her job only the week before. Cook carried the breakfast tray to Bombina’s door, and two menservants carried the wench. When they got there, Cook put the tray into the scullery wench’s hands. One manservant opened the door, and the other shoved her inside.

  “There you are!” Bombina shouted while shifting her weight onto her left foot. Then she began to stare at the scullery wench. She lowered her chin to her chest and continued to stare.

  Oh, no! Parsley thought. She’s going to—

  Bombina flapped her right wing once while singing oople toople in a high scratchy voice.

  The scullery wench looked startled. Parsley heard the beginning of a yelp. The breakfast tray clattered to the floor, and the scullery wench shrank. For a moment she stood there, an orange scullery wench two inches tall. Then she was a toad, an orange Christopher Inquisitive Toad.

  Parsley wanted to scream, but she couldn’t, or she might be turned into a toad too. She slipped behind the window drapes and peeked through them.

  Bombina hiccuped twice, and the toad vanished. She noticed the smashed breakfast tray on the tile floor. Her yummy coddled eggs were a yellow puddle, and her lovely porridge with figs and raisins was hardening into a big brown lump.

  She was so angry, she stamped her feet and shrieked aargh and accidentally turned a candlestick into a feathered bonnet. Then she stormed out of her bedchamber.

  A minute later Parsley crept out too, gladder than ever before to still have two human legs and two human hands and no warts.

  Within a quarter hour Cook was a mauve Sir Melvin Dancing Toad, the two menservants were both turquoise Belladonna Spinning Toads, and the laundress, who happened to be in the kitchen, was an ultramarine Ethelinda Bumbling Toad. Bombina had beaten her own record for using up toad transformations.

  Four

  Parsley felt terrible about the toads. She had liked all of them when they were human, and she had especially liked Cook. Parsley was almost certain that toads ate their food raw, and Cook would hate that.

  Bombina did everything she could think of to cheer Parsley up and get her smiling again. The fairy found a new cook who knew a hundred par
sley recipes, including one for parsley bubble gum.

  Parsley blew big green bubbles, but she wouldn’t smile.

  Bombina invented fifteen new hairdos, but Parsley still wouldn’t smile.

  Bombina gave Parsley a magic spyglass that could see anything anywhere in Biddle, no matter what was in the way.

  But Parsley still wouldn’t smile.

  Bombina was frantic. She begged Parsley to smile. She shouted. She wept.

  But Parsley still wouldn’t smile.

  Finally, in desperation, Bombina said, “I won’t turn people into toads anymore.”

  Parsley smiled.

  Bombina was so happy that she hugged Parsley with both arms and both wings. But while she hugged, she thought, By next New Year, Parsley will have forgotten my promise.

  Parsley loved her magic spyglass. She looked through it at Zeke and Nelly and the new baby. She looked over all of Biddle. She saw Elroy the shepherd’s great-great-grandson herd sheep. She saw Ralph’s and Burt’s grandchildren do their farm chores, and once she even saw Ralph and Burt themselves, sitting on their porch, rocking back and forth, perfectly in time with each other.

  Parsley watched the Royal Banquets in Biddle Castle, examining the plates for parsley dishes. She watched the Royal Balls, searching for ladies’ hairdos that Bombina could try out. Once she saw a hair ornament atop an especially tall hairdo—a miniature sailing ship, with all sails billowing.

  The first time Parsley saw the Royal Family was at a banquet. King Humphrey IV was bald, and his ears stuck out. The twins, Prince Randolph and Prince Rudolph, would have been handsome if they had ever stopped glaring at each other. The youngest prince, Prince Tansy, had freckles, a cowlick, and a serious expression. Parsley thought he looked exactly the way a prince should.

  One twin sat on the king’s right and the other sat on his left, and they glared at each other around King Humphrey IV’s belly. Tansy sat farther down the banquet table, between two Royal Councillors.

  The twin on King Humphrey IV’s left cut his baked potato the long way, but the twin on the right cut his potato the short way. The twin on the left ate in this order: roast hart, potato, lentils, watercress. The twin on the right ate in the reverse order.